you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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