So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just cropdusted the office
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
