Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
