Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
honey bunches of taint.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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