I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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