Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
