Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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