so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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