I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
