I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
