If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
