Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
