she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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