Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
