I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
