hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
