We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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