Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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