My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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