When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
