Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
