I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
