you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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