I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
