Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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