I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
