Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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