I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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