Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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