woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
