Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
