You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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