the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
