wanna go halves on a baby?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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