I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
