if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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