Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
