She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
