I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
