Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My pussy is not your playground.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
