id be glad to
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize