I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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