I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize