does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just gargled with NyQuil
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
