Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize