but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
