I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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