I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
