yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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