Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
