Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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