i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I currently don't understand fingers.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
