Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
