The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
