who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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