wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
