i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sober January is a disaster.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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