I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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