How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
