My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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